For two years I thought I was heartless

Incapable of sustaining a feeling more than lust

I replaced bodies with different bodies

Temporary solutions are always less intimidating

I wondered if it was better to be heartless or full of heart

After all i’d been told that all I do is break people and move on

“You never really cared.” “I'm just another guy to you”. “You’ll be fine without me”

I thought ‘at least I wouldn't have to endure that deep gut-wrenching, soul-sucking feeling’

You know the one where your hope is crushed? Or you find out they weren’t who they said they were? Or when they can’t even help themselves?

I think the most difficult part of it all is the timing. The absolute ambush. 

The fact that women are perceived as emotional. 

When all these lovers have gone out of their way to inflict pain…

I’m not a victim. Just a stakeholder. Where apparently logic plagues me most.

What is it with these young men in love? They’re practically ready to die for it. Some are even willing to ruin themselves over it. I don’t get it. 

Why do I have to push and push and push for balance? Why is it so costly to achieve?